Someone with a Very Poor Grasp of English

from: vdougla10@w.cn
title: Urgent Response Needed
attachment: see below

We are writing to inform you that after our board of directors meeting 2010.....Regarding some fund which our customer have in our bank. Attached, is the full detail of my prpsal to you, read and get back t me ASAP. 

and the attachment:

Dear Beneficiary,

We are writing to inform you that after our board of directors meeting 2010.....Regarding some fund which our customer have in our bank hear in HSBC Bank which has been approved for payment since for some years now .....we decided to consult the name registered and approved with the sum of $38MILLIOM ....To remit out and the fund has been approved in your name with the document that carrying up the fund to your account, We want to know if you are actually the real person named.....Please kindly let us know so that we will know the next step to follows in order to credit your account with the $38MUSD as you know that if this fund did not remit very urgently it will be confiscated and converted to the treasurely department.

 

We want to informed you that the fund have move from NATIONAL BANK OF SOUTH AFRICA.....to our correspondent bank HSBC bank and the fund is no longer in the S/A at this moment, and it will also be very easy for us to transfer the fund to your account as we confirmed that from the transfer document here in our register.

 

Please be informed that you have to be fast and contact us with your information for fund remittance because I am arranging to go for my marternal leave so that I will direct you to the person in charge of your fund for the remittance

If you are the real person named ........please let us to know your identifications by reconfirming to us this information�s below;

 

1] Your account information�s

2] Your international passport

3] Your private phone /fax number

4] Your home address

5] Your profession

 

I am anxiously waiting to hear from you

Regard

Miss Vivian Douglas

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

vdouglas@mail.mn

Wow, you really suck at writing. "Some fund which our customer have" should  be "some fund which our customers have" or "our customer has." I don't know which you mean thanks to your poor grasp of basic grammar. "Approved for payment since for some years now" is total gibberish. "To remit out and the fund has been approved in your name with the document that carrying up the fund to your account" makes absolutely no sense at all. "The next step to follows" should be "the next step to follow." " If this fund did not remit very urgently" is, I guess, supposed to be "if this fund is not remitted quickly."  There's quite a bit more, but since I'm not getting paid to turn your crappy scam into proper English, I have better things to do.

How Old Do You Morons Think I Am?

from: 50+Singles@profiledeal.com
title: Date Singles Over 50

To unsubscribe from future mailings, please click here.
PO Box 12627, Dallas, TX 75225

I don't know where you get your information from, but it is impossible for me to "meet other seniors," because I'm only 35 so I am not a senior and cannot meet other seniors without being a senior myself. Also, I have zero interest in dating seniors. I might not fall for the "find sexy singles in your area" type of spam either, but at least their more what I'd be interested in.

E. K. or K. E.

from: knm.ist@gmail.com (K. E.)
title: To: yoyogod@gmail.com

For: yoyogod@gmail.com

Good Day,

I really hope my letter gets to you this time. I am a former staff of a depository establishment here in Istanbul-Turkey. I'd written you for the fact that you share same location with one of our late client's supposed care taker. My intention is to seek your co-operation as a care-taker to enable a safe transfer of securities deposit out of Turkey before it is declared unserviceable. Please let me know if you were in receipt of my previous communication posted to you.

Further information will be forwarded to you on receipt of your confirmation.

                             With Regards
                               E. Kentas

To start off with, why does you email list you as K. E. when your signature has tour initals as E. K.? Can't you even keep your alias straight? If by "share same location" you mean "live at the same address as," then that "late client's supposed care taker" would be my grandfather. He certainly wasn't the sort of person to be any sort of care taker, and I'm sure he has never been to Istanbul.(Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo). I'm also certain that he didn't have any money coming to him from some mysterious Turkish turkey.

A Happy Wlf

from: pkshewfe@ackermangroup.com
title: yoyogod, An alternative for you

l have never even dreamt about such power and sexual deslre. My wlfe ls absolutely happy.

Enter Here

Okay, WTF is with using l for i all the damn time? wlfe, deslre, is l? You don't seriously expect anyone to take you seriously with that kind of crap, do you? I expect you were hoping that it would help you get past my spam filter, which it didn't.

I Dreamed I Saw Joe Hill Last Night

from: josephhill12345@rocketmail.com
title: CONFIDENTIAL COURIER PAYMENT

 UNITED NATIONS FUND MANAGEMENT AND PAYMENT BUREAU.
TEL: +44 7011139927

CONFIDENTIAL COURIER PAYMENT

I am Mr.Joseph Hill, of World Fund Discovery Management And Payment Bureau I decided to contact you because of the
prevailing security report reaching my office and the intense nature of polity in London. This is to inform you about our plan to send your fund to you via cash delivery system,

This system will be easier for you and for us. We are going to send your contract part payment of US$5.3 Million
to you via courier service. I have secured every needed document to cover this fund.

Note: This fund is coming in 2 security proof boxes which are sealed with Synthetic nylon seal and padded with
machine. I will use my position as The Director of WORLD FUND MANAGEMENT AND PAYMENT BUREAU, to release this fund to you. The boxes are coming with a Courier agent who will deliver them to you at your home address.

    All you need to do now is to send to me:
    1. Your full name
    2. Your full house address
    3. Your contact phone numbers.

Note: The Agent does not know the contents in these boxes, the content was declared to him as Sensitive Photographic Film Materials.

I will secure the clearance Certificate that will be tagged on the boxes which I will dispatch along with the
security inner Keys of the consignments to enable you access them as soon as they are delivered to you.

Best Regards,
Mr.Joseph Hill,
The Director
for UNITED NATIONS FUND MANAGEMENT AND PAYMENT BUREAU

When I saw I had an email from "Joseph Hill," my first thought was that I was getting a message from horror writer Joe Hill, which would be cool, or maybe late 19th/early 20th century labor leader Joe Hill, which would be even cooler since he's dead. But no, it's just some lame as spammer trying to pull the same crap that I've seen before.

Corruption in Kyrgyzstan

from: taaassrrrshevchenkoo@mail.com
title: Re:Did You Get My Mail
attachment: https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AVabMSGwnQIHZHhybmtkdl81bTNweGpwZmY&hl=en&authkey=CLmPjMQE

I am Taras Shevchenko, a solicitor at law and a family Lawyer to the former President of Kyrgyzstan (President Kurmanbek Bakiev ) who is now in a big problem for looting the country’s money .
View the attached message for further details

for those who don't want to click on the link, this is what the attachment says:

Greetings,

I am Taras Shevchenko, a solicitor at law and a family Lawyer to the former President of Kyrgyzstan (President Kurmanbek Bakiev ) who is now in a big problem for looting the country’s money . To cut the story short log on to (http://publicintelligence.net/former-kyrgyzstan-president-looted-banks-prior-to-revolution/) or go to google search with (President Kurmanbek Bakiev) then you will get the full information about President Kurmanbek Bakiev.

The President Kurmanbek Bakiev deposited (Six Hundred Million United States Dollars) in a bank abroad in my name. Because of his problems, I want to invest this money in your Country with your help, because the fund has been there for along time since 30th of June 2009 with out any service charge, that's why I seek your consent to help me invest this money in your country and the Fund US$600M can be paid to your private or company's account as an investment fund.

All legal documents to back up your claim as my investment partner will be provided, All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.

This transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.  If this business proposition offends your moral values, do accept my apology. I must use this opportunity to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this matter extraordinary confidential, whatever your decision, while I await your prompt response.

However, I feel very safe to use a stranger for this investment. Meanwhile, this deal is 100% risk free because no body knows that the money belongs to President Kurmanbek Bakiev and you will be offered 30% of US$600M for your help.

Yours sincerely,

Tars Shevchenko

So, why exactly do you need my help? If you've got $600M in the bank, why the hell do you need ME to invest it for you? With that kind of money you should have no trouble hopping a plane to the US and finding a qualified investment broker to do it for you. Emailing random people on the Internet is a good way to get your money stolen if you're legit. Not that I actually think you are legit.

Secret Shopper, International Man of Mystery

from: garry_f1@live.com
title: Your first Secret Shopper® assignment
 Attachment: https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AVabMSGwnQIHZHhybmtkdl80Y3h3OTJzcnA&hl=en&authkey=CLLeg8MO

We have a mystery shopping assignment in your area and we would like you to participate

Secret Shopper® is accepting applications for qualified individuals to become mystery shoppers. Its fun and rewarding, and you choose when and where you want to shop. You are never obligated to accept an assignment. There is no charge to become a shopper and you do not need previous experience, for more information see attached information.

Yes I totally believe that a legitimate job offer would come to me from someone who uses a free webmail account. Nope, there's nothing suspicious about that at all.

A Message from "Facebook"

from: fbmessage@bass.caloriesong.com
title: [emai] You have a message on Facebook...

	Facebook Survey Gift Invite
Your participation in our survey is greatly valued! You have been invited to participate in our short Facebook survey and receive a gift of your choice (click for list of gifts). Participation is required, see offer details. Simply complete our short three-question survey, then follow the instructions on our website. Thank you. Click here to take the survey & receive your gift.

Cancel Your Membership

This email was sent to [me] by [a moronic spammer] You were added to the system on 8/16/2008 12:00:00 AM Instant removal with TrustedUnsubscribe™

http://bass.caloriesong.com/index.aspx?242577-27555677-557683 | 242 S Washington Blvd | Ste 278 | Sarasota | FL | 34236 | US

First off, if you can't even manage to spell "email" correctly in the title of your spam email, then maybe this isn't the job for you. It's the little things like that that can tip off potential victims into realizing that you aren't legit. Well that and the fact that this message originated from "bass.caloriesong.com" instead of "facebook.com" and because if this was a legitimate message from Facebook, there would also be a copy of this in my Facebook mailbox.

我不了解中文。

from: zo-isaac@hotmail.com
title: 信保到單代償。疑難雜症房屋貸款。銀行合約貸款。

信保到期還單代償。合法租賃公司'客票貼現'年息17%。

房屋全額貸款。服務電話：０９５８５６９０３５‧銀行到期還單代墊款。專辦銀行公司工廠信用貸款。 Sat, 31 Jul 2010 06:27:36 +0600

房屋二胎年息6%。
建地年息2%。
房屋二胎年息6%。
110%超額房貸廠辦店面。
雙B名車全額貸款。
公司工廠信貸500萬7天速撥。
合約貸款最高八成。
工廠貸款。
發票貸款。
OBU外銷貸款最低六成。
L/C開狀額度申請。
有現金.票貼.工程.原料.機器.LC代開變現.土地房屋一二胎。
信保到單代償。
銀行換單代墊。
押標金銀行代墊款手續費1%。
工程合約銀行代墊款手續費1%。
週轉金或合約貸款。
房子只要有殘值皆可貸。
未上市股票質押貸款。
雙B名車全額貸款。
支客票貼現。
歡迎您來電:０９５８５６９０３５。
如無需求。請保留。或請轉寄其他老闆。謝謝。
信用狀額度變現。

任何車輛均可借款。合法租賃公司'客票貼現'年息17%。二、工程合約貸款。訂單質借。Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:26:36 -0600

You know, I can't figure out why in the Hell I get so much spam in what appears to be Chinese. At least the closest I can get to a coherent translation for it comes from running a babel fish Chinese to English translation. Why only Chinese? Why no Spanish, Italian, German, or Finnish? Why no spam in Esperanto or Klingon? I wouldn't understand those either, but at least it would be a nice change.

Why Do So Many Strangers Want to Give Me Money?

from: susanglaylee@rediffmail.com
title: Your irrevocable payment release.

Good Day,

I want to bring to your knowledge of a very lucrative business opportunity that I have.

Well I work as an agent that accompanies contractors funds to be paid to them,  l have this deal and l won't mind you in it if you promise to keep optimum confidentiality.

The consignment consists of two boxes, the boxes contains $20million all in $100.00 bills, this money was accompanied by me to U.S.A and was handed over to a diplomat. The name of the Diplomat will be given to you as soon as you indicate your interest.

You will Call the diplomat and tell him that you are calling on behalf of Mrs. Susan Glay that handed the consignment to him, also ask him how much it will cost to clear out this consignments.

Bear in mind that he is not aware of the content of the boxes, it was registered as CONFIDENTIAL DIPLOMATIC LUGGAGE, you know that this consignment has been there for the past 2 month where I am looking for a trust worthy person to get it out.

I am ready to release 30% of the total money to you for your help; each of the boxes contains 10,000,000.00. I will be expecting your reply today and please send to me your phone number if interested.
Regards,
Madam Susan Glay

So, yet another rrandom stranger wants to give me money. So you are carrying two boxes with 100,000 $100 bills in each of them. By my estimation, that means you are carrying around two boxes that way over 220 lbs. each. I suppose I should be careful about mocking you, you're obviously built like a pro wrestler. Or maybe the "diplomat" is, since I'm not really clear on who has the alleged money.

See, what I think this is is I call the "diplomat" and find out how much I need to pay to get this mystery money from nowhere that you're handing out to random strangers. Then I pay him that amount and the two of you, assuming you are actually two people, take my money and vanish. Did I guess it right?

Movies

from: reply@emailnewstwo.com
title: HD Download Center: Our Software at 50% Until Friday

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Your movie code: 8253
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Enjoy the show,
Luke Winston
Online Movies

You are currently subscribed to dailynews_apr as [my email isn't being listed here]
Safely unsubscribe from dailynews_apr at any time.

MEGUIDE LTD, No. 14 Robinson Road, #13-00, Far East Finance Building, Singapore 048545

Oh wow, I can download cheap copies of movies that are still in theaters. Or maybe not, since you just say those movies are top blockbusters. I'm not sure if you're trying to trick me into thinking I can download new movies or if you're actually offering (probably illegal) downloads of said movies. Either way, I don't trust you and I ain't buying.

A Call For Help with A "Dearm"

from: djriver@djriver.com
title: Please Help Me Out With My Dearm

GREETING IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD.

I AM MRS.PEGGY STREET, A WIDOW TO LATE STREET VILLACARLOS .FROM SEATTLE WASHINGTON,USA.PRESENTLY IN MADRID SPAIN, RECEIVING TREATMENTS, I AM 61 YEARS OLD, I AM NOW A NEW CHRISTIAN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST,FROM ALL INDICATION MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WON'T LIVE MORE THAN SIX MONTHS, ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS,THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE.

MY LATE HUSBAND KILLED DURING THE U.S. RAID AGAINST TERRORISM IN AFGHANISTAN, AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE WE COULDN'T PRODUCE ANY CHILD.

MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I INHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH.

THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS, SO I NOW DECIDED TO DIVIDE THE PART OF THIS WEALTH, TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHURCH IN AFRICA, AMERICA ASIA, AND EUROPE. I PRAYED OVER IT,. I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF 5.6,000.000.00 US DOLLARS, TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED. PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT FUND IS LYING IN A
SECURITY COMPANY IN USA.

LASTLY, I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL BE SURE FOR THE SAID PURPOSE, BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT CHRIST IS VANITY.

MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY I AWAIT URGENT REPLY.
THANKS.

MRS.PEGGY STREET

Do you see that button on your keyboard that says "Caps Lock?" Well could you push it, please? Absolutely no one will take you seriously  when you type in all caps. It is the Internet equivalent to shouting, and since you're sending in to random strangers, that makes you the equivalent of a crazy person standing on a street corner shouting at random passers-by.

As to your actual message, I am not a religious man. I have absolutely no desire "TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHURCH IN AFRICA, AMERICA ASIA, AND EUROPE." So even if I thought you were legit I still wouldn't be interested.

Inheritance

from: barrperkgeo196@gmail.com
title: From The Executor of Late Alexander McQueens WILL

--
Dear Friend

My name is Barr perkins George personal attorney to Alexander McQueen -
Designer Fashion Label who died on the 11th day of Feb. 2010.I have the
documents of a large amount of funds which he handed over to me before he
died made you a beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of Seven Million
Great British Pounds (GBP £7,000.000.00) to you in the codicil and last
testament to his WILL

Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the
past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends
abroad who wished you good and his friend was a gay as well due to the fact
that McQueen was a gay and claimed he realised his sexual orientation when
he was six. He told his family when he was 18.

Lee Alexander McQueen, CBE (16 March 1969 – 11 February 2010) was an English
fashion designer known for his unconventional designs and shock tactics.[3]
McQueen worked as the head designer at Givenchy for five years before
founding the Alexander McQueen and McQ labels. McQueen\\\'s dramatic
designs, worn by celebrities including Rihanna, Björk and Lady Gaga, met
with critical acclaim and earned him the British Designer of the Year award
four times.

Late Alexander McQueen died on the 11th day of February, 2010 at the age of
40 years, According to him this money was supposed to be used in
transporting and getting the new store that was about to be opened in los
angeles stocked with his recent designers

You can read more about him from the sites below

(1)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_McQueen


Please if I reach you this time as I am hopeful, endeavour to get back to me
as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job.

I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

Yours in Service,

P.George & Co. Solicitors

Email: barrperkgeo196@gmail.com

Alright, so you expect me to believe that some rich guy I never met is leaving me money for no apparent reason. Instead of writing your email yourself, you just copy pasted a bunch of stuff from Wikipedia, and then provided a convenient link to Wikipedia just so I could verify who you'd plagiarized. A real lawyer would be contacting me through the mail, probably with some sort of certified letter or something. No lawyer is going to conduct this sort of business through email. No random stranger is going to leave me a large sum of money.

Also, I'm not sure what the Hell "or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good and his friend was a gay as well due to the fact that McQueen was a gay and claimed he realised his sexual orientation when he was six." is supposed mean. Are you saying he left me money because he was gay, because I'm gay (which I'm not), or because someone who is gay recommended me as someone to leave money to? That sentence is just gibberish.

Another Day, Another "Banker"

from: MrStephenGreen12@live.co.uk
title: Mr.Stephen K Green

Good Day,

I am Mr. Stephen K Green GBS, JP Chairman of the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited. I have a business link that I need to discuss with you if interested and also I require a great assistance and assurance with humility from you before I provide you with further details.

All I require is your honest co-operation and I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please accept my apologies, keep my confidence and disregard this email if you do not appreciate this proposition I have offered you.

All confirmable documents to back up the claims of this business transaction will be made available to you prior to your acceptance and as soon as I receive your return mail Via my email address: MrStephen1@live.co.uk and I will let you know what is required of you.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Best Regards,
Mr. Stephen K Green

Yet another banker with a business proposal. At least you aren't directly asking for personal information. I suppose you plan on conning that info out of anyone who's dumb enough to reply. I would like to hear more about what your plan is, mostly for yucks. I won't respond to anyone with a scam.

Another Lottery Win

from: akiraitsuki77@yahoo.co.jp
title: Yahoo!! International Lottery Organization

YAHOO INTERNET LOTTERY RESULTS  2010
    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Yahoo!! International Lottery Organization
Bangkok Branch Office
Address: 109\219 Moon 8, Bang-Khun-Tien Road,
Bangkok 19160 Thailand.

Yahoo! Mail announces you as one of the 25 lucky winners in the ongoing 12 Years Yahoo lottery Award  of the New Year Held
on 11th the july 2010.


All 25 winning email addresses were randomly selected from a batch of 50,000,000 international emails each from Canada,
Australia, United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceania as part of our international promotions program
which is conducted annually, consequently, you have been approved for a total pay out of ONE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS (
$1, 000. 000.00USD)


This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies as part of their social
responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base.
Further more your details(e-mail address) falls within our  Bangkok representative office in Bangkok Thailand,  as indicated
in your play coupon and your prize of ( $1, 000.000.00USD) will be released to you from this regional branch office in
Bangkok Thailand.

Your fund is now deposited with our Bank/Security Company Bangkok Thailand  and insured in your name. Due to mix up of some
numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award from public notice until your claim has been processed, and your winning
Cheque have being sent to you or remitted to your account, as this is part of our security protocol, to avoid double
claiming and unwarranted taking of advantage of this program by participants, as has happened in the past.
HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE
These are your identification numbers.
Ticket number.....................

085-12876077-09
Serial number.......................51390-0
Lucky number...................03-05-12-14-28-38
Ref number...................N.EGS/3662367114/13

To begin your lottery claims, Please contact our Yahoo Lottery Co-ordinator as follows,

Email: kanelee9@yahoo.co.jp
Name: Kane Lee
(English Depatment)

You are to send the completed verification form below to the co-ordinator whose email address is given above so that you
will be advised on what to do to get your prize money. Congratulations once more!!


1. FULL NAME
2. COUNTRY OF ORIGIN
3. PRESENT ADRESS.
4. DATE OF BIRTH
5. OCCUPATION
6. TELEPHONE NUMBER
7. SEX
8. FAX NUMBER
9. MARITAL STATUS
10. WINNING NUMBER, BATCH NUMBER AND LOTTO NUMBER.

Remember, all prize money must be claimed not later than 30th of Aug., 2010.Any claim not made by this date will be returned
to HER MAJESTYS DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY. And also be informed that 10% of your lottery winning belongs to (THE PROMOTIONS
COMPANY). Because they are the company that bought your ticket and played the lottery in your name.

Note also that this 10% will be remitted after you have received your winnings prize, because the money is insured in your
name already.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in
all correspondences with us, Furthermore, should there be any change of address, please do inform our coordinator as soon as
possible. Yahoo lottery is a free  service  that  does  not  require  you to be a Yahoo! Registered user.

An original copy of your lucky winning ticket and your deposit certificate will be sent to you by Administrative Remittance
Operation Manager of Siam City Bank Bangkok Thailand.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Once again from all members of our staff and thank you for being a part of our International Promotions
program. visit : http://yahooosweepsonlinepromo.web.officelive.com/default.aspx


We wish you continued good fortunes.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Donaldson Chou
Vice President
Yahoo! Lotto Org.


Mrs. Akira Itsuki
Online Coordinator .
2010The Yahoo-Thailland Internet Promotions.
All rights reserved. Terms of Service - Guidelines.

Props for actually using a Yahoo email for your Yahoo lotto scam. I do find it odd that a US based company would use a bank in Thailand and would send the message from yahoo.co.jp instead of yahoo.com. I also find it odd that the Yahoo lottery website is at officelive.com instead of yahoo.com. Not falling for it.

Mamma Mia

from: mr_carlorimondini@yahoo.it
title: Private Transaction.

Good day,


Firstly, I apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail Instead of a Certified mail/Post-mail,this is due to the urgency and importance of the information so I humbly crave your indulgence to read this e-mail with all seriousness of purpose devoid of any doubt in your mind because This project is based on Trust, Confidentiality and Sincerity of purpose in order to have an Acceptable meeting of the minds.


Although we never met before, but I have every reason to believe that you are a highly respected personality, considering the fact That I got your E- mail address through the Internet, my online Network, while searching for a reliable and reputable person to Handle this transaction.


I am a senior manager accounts/audit in UNIPOL MERCHANT BANCA (MERCHANT BANK) here in Italy. I am Writing following an opportunity in my office that will be of Immense benefit to both of us. In my department we discovered an Abandoned sum of 10.5 million Euros(Ten million five hundred Thousand Euros Only) in an account that belongs to one of our Foreign customers who Unfortunately lost his life on his way to the Airport. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting His next of kin or relatives to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as Next of kin or relation to the Deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines.


Unfortunately I discovered that his supposed next of kin being his Only daughter and wife died along with him in the auto crash leaving nobody with the knowledge of this fund behind for claim. It is Therefore upon this discovery that I and his account manager now decided to make business with you and release The money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the funds for safety keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is Coming for it and we don't want this money to go back into Government treasury as unclaimed bill.


The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that such money remained after seven years the money will be transferred into Banking treasury as unclaimed funds. We agreed that 35% of this money would be for you as Foreign partner, while the balance will be for my colleagues and I. I will visit your country for the disbursement according to The percentages indicated above once this money gets into your Account. Please be honest to me.


To commence this transaction, we require you to immediately Indicate your interest by a return e-mail and enclose the Following information:


1. Full name
2: Your private telephone and Fax numbers.
3. Occupations and Nationality.
4. Date Of Birth
5,Present Location


Note: This transaction is confidential and risk free. As soon as you receive this mail contact me through my private E-mail address mr_carlorimondini@yahoo.com.hk


Please note that all the necessary arrangement for the smooth release of these funds to you will been finalized as soon as you indicate your role in this transaction. We will discuss much in details when I receive your response.


Thanks and good luck to us.


Best regards,
Mr. Carlo Rimondini.

I've got to give you credit for being a very eloquent scam artist. I've never really been sure why all of you alleged bankers need my help to steal money from the account of someone who died with no heirs. Why do you need a "Foreign Partner?" Just grab a random guy off the streets and get him to claim to be the heir. Don't get me involved in this nonsense. I'm not going to give personal information to strangers.

No Really Interesting Spam Today

from: 3camasurekar@nicholaspiramal.co.in
title: How's your health?

Only the most effective painkillers are available at our drugstore!

[Link Removed Because I Don't Want to Help Stupid Spammers]

Emery 

So what, do all the Nigerian scammers, fake lottery losers,phishers, and all of the other people who send interesting spam have the day off?  The only thing I can think to say about this is to refer you to Dr. House, and that's probably just because I'm watching his show on TV right now.

A Magical Bracelet

from: irenewBraceletOffer@awholenewworldcreate.com
title: More energy instantly with this innovative bracelet

iRenew - New energy for life Experience instant results the moment you begin using the iRenew Energy Balance System products. You will get more energy, better sleep, increase in strength, greater flexibility, enhanced balance and healthier blood. Learn More

Sure, I'd love to buy one magical bracelets forged by dwarfs in the fires of Niflheim from the best unicorn farts and fairy dust. I am absolutely sure that I" will get more energy, better sleep, increase in strength, greater flexibility, enhanced balance and healthier blood." Hell, while you're making wild claims why not say that it'll make me more attractive to the opposite sex, protect me from zombie attacks, and prevent alien abductions? I expect it does all those things at least as well as the stuff you claim it does.

If All of These Money Offers Were Real, I'd be a Billionaire...

from: marvey.king_234@btinternet.com
title:: Immediate ATM DEBIT Cash Card Payment Notification,

ATTENTION BENEFICIARY

Immediate ATM DEBIT Cash Card Payment Notification

Your Name And Your Contact Details Was Given To This Office In Respect Of Your Total lnherited/Contract Sum Owed To You Which You Have Failed To Claim Because Of Either Non-Compliance Of Official Processes Or Because Of

Your Unbelief Of The Reality Of Your Genuine Payment. We Wish To Bring To You The Solution To This Problem.

Right Now We Have Arranged Your Payment Through Our Swift Card Payment CentersWorld bank. This Card Center Will Send To You An ATM DEBIT Card Which You Will Use To Withdraw Your

Money In Any ATM Machine In Any Part Of The World, So If You Like To Receive Your Fund In This Way, Please Let Us Know By Contacting Us Back And Also Send The Following Information As Listed Below.

1. Full Name

2. Phone And Fax Number

3. Address Were You Want Them To Send The ATM Card To (P.O Box Not Acceptable)

4. Your Age And Current Occupation

5. Attach Copy Of Your Identification

We Have Been Mandated By The United Kingdom Parliament To Issue Out $2.6 Million As Part Payment For This fiscal year 2010 to you. Also For Your Information, You

Have To Stop Any Further Communication With Any Other Person (S) Or Office(S) To Avoid Any Hitches In Receiving Your Payment.Note That Because Of Impostors, We Hereby Issued You Our Code Of Conduct, Which Is (ATM-110)

So You Have To Indicate This Code When Contacting The Card Center By Using It As Your Subject.

You are to forward your above requested information to the

below contact person.

Contact person: Mr John Williams:

Contact Email Address : atmviapaymentsystem@gmail.com

i Wait For Your Expedite Response.

Mr , Mervyn King

Governor Bank of England.

Before you try and scam me, for God's sake  lay off the fucking capitals.Seriously Dude, Capitalizing Every Word In A Sentence Makes You Look Like An Idiot. I will say that I am impressed that you did enough research to use the actual name of the real Governor of the Bank of England, so bonus points for that. I have no idea why Parliament would force you to give random strangers large sums of money. I really can't understand why anybody with two brain cells to rub together would fall for these kinds of schemes, but they must work or I wouldn't keep getting so damn many of them.

boobies!

from: goodGirl@milkblues.ru
title: Natural Breast Enhance !!!

Increment of bust size from 30A to 32B

Firmer and more toned breasts from 34B to 34C

Pinkish nipples and fairer breast skin

Menopausal customers experience more vaginal secretion

Lesser hot flushes and relief of menstrual symptoms

Achieve breast fullness

Smoother and tighter breast skin


VISITE SITE-> [link redacted]
 

I think it's bad enough that I have man boobs, I really don't think I need to enlarge them thank you very much.

A Message from a "Bank"

from: customerservices@citizensbank.com
title: Confirm Your Identity

Dear valued member:

Due to concerns, for the safety and integrity of the Citizens Bank
account we have issued this warning message.

It has come to our attention that your citizens bank account information needs to be
updated as part of our continuing commitment to protect your account and to
reduce the instance of fraud on our website. If you could please take 5-10 minutes
out of your online experience and update your personal records you will not run into
any future problems with the online service.
Once you have updated your account records your citizens bank account
service will not be interrupted and will continue as normal.
To update your citizens bank records click on the following link:
[Link Redacted]
Thank You.

Privacy & Security | Terms of Use   | Citizens Bank Online Guarantee R

c 2010 Citizens Financial Group. All Rights Reserved.

Citizens Bank is a brand name of RBS Citizens, N.A. and Citizens Bank of Pennsylvania. Citizens Bank is a division of RBS Citizens, N.A. and Citizens Bank accounts and other RBS Citizens, N.A. accounts are not separately insured by the FDIC. Citizens Bank of Pennsylvania is not part of RBS Citizens, N.A.

Oh my God! I'd better update my account with you right now. Wait a second, I don't have an account with Citizens Bank. I do find it off that your link, which I deleted,  seems to actually lead to the real Citizens Bank website. I'm really confused as to what kind of lame phishing scam would accidentally send me to the real bank in question.

I Think You're Some Kind of Pervert

from: sbernardinaii@svm.com
title: Grow YourPenis - Rock Solid, Bigger, Harder, More IntenseErectioms 9rm

DO YOU WISH YOU HAD A Wider & ThickerPenis?
Do you have below issues?
Small and inadequatePenis size - Do you feel like you have a smallPenis?
Poor performance duringSex - Does the anxiety beforeSex cripple your ability to perform?
Decreased self confidence - Have the years of ridicule taken their toll on your ego?
Loss of interest - Has your inability to please yourPartner caused you to lose/decrease your desire forSex?
If you answered YES to even ONE of these questions

We can help! click here to read more

You seem awfully interested in my penis size. Are you some kind of pervert or something?  Your girlfriend didn't think my penis was small.

Oh wow, two offers for large sums of money in one day!

from: rabih.ghostine@engees.u-strasbg.fr
title: Confirm Your Bank Draft

Greetings!

This mail is to inform you of your registered package.CONTENT: Bank Draft of $750, 000.00 USD registered by an Official of the United Nation. The Fund is a donation to you from the U.N through e-mails balloting in affiliation with commonwealth poverty eradication program.For your information the VAT and COD have been paid and the only money you will have to pay is the security keeping fee which is $125.00.Do contact the fedEX with your names,age,telephone and delivery address.Contact FedEx Delivery Department Mr.Macauley Campbell for shipment,Email:fedexcourier1014@yahoo.com.hk Tel: +234 559 368 09

Normally, I wouldn't want to do two posts in one day, but your message moved me. I'm quite impressed that the "United Naion" is going to give me a bunch of money. Is this "United Nation" related to the United Nations?   I'm also very glad that you paid the "VAT and COD" for me even though I live in the US where we don't have a VAT and I'm not really sure how COD would apply to money you're giving me instead of me buying something, not that I know of any place that still accepts COD as a method of payment. I am of course not at all suspicious that I must pay a $125 to claim this money or the fact that you want me to contact you through a yahoo email.  I'm sure that "United Nation" uses FedEx for all of it's monetary shipments and that all FedEx employees use free webmail accounts to verify transactions instead of using an email from fedex.com. I'll be sure to contact you with all my personal information and get a check out to you as soon as possible.

Wow I won the lottery!

from: info@uknationallottery.co.uk
title: CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU WON 880,156.00 GBP.

  Date of Event: 24th July 2010.

                Draw Number: 2010/1496

              2nd Prize Match 6

     Lucky draw  numbers: 1 - 4 - 12 - 23 - 33 - 40 bonus number 35

        Amount of winnings: 880,156.00 GBP / 1,350,828.22 USD

              for claims

               Contact Name: Mrs. Joan Pablo

               Email address: mrsjoanpablo@gmail.com

(You will receive more information upon your acknowledgment of this email).

Note:Ensure to state your draw number in your email.

      Yours Sincerely, for U.K. - National Lottery 2010/1498

Oh my god, I'm rich! I can't believe how generous this U.K. National Lottery is to let me win when I didn't even enter! Thanks for notifying my Mrs. Joan Pablo. I'll be sure to email you at your Gmail address, which I don't find at all suspicious for an employee of a lottery to be using for official business. I'll be sure to give you all the personal information you will no doubt request. Also, I'd particularly like to thank you for using your time machine to notify me that I've won two weeks in the future. I suppose I should actually wait unit "24th July 2010" to contact you because I don't your bosses will buy into the time travel angle. Or maybe you're a psychic? Oh well either way, good bye losers, I'm just sticking around until my UK lottery money arrives.

"t"

from: gclaretta_xs@unimstores.com
title: qcn eq

t

Yeah well, t to you too, lady.

Umm..what?

from: zezogat8367@telecom.sk
title: Customer yoyo.god, this is a Sale reminder. optimal Bat

View this message in a browser
	Thursday, July 08, 2010 Newsletter Sign-up  |   Unsubscribe  |   Advertise  |   Contact Us

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That's very nice I'm sure, thanks for sharing. I suppose this is one of those things where you send me a bunch of random gibberish in the hope that it will get through the spam filter.  It didn't work.  If you're going to try writing nonsense, maybe you should listen to some Worm Quartet music, he's good at writing gibberish that is at least interesting, unlike your wall of random words. Here's a good example of Worm Quartet's style:



Now, see how that's much more interesting than what you've done?

THanks, but I REALLY don't think I qualify...

from: NAPW@mta163.vir3reedgreen.com
title: Associate with other career-minded women in your area

MORE INFO HERE!

While I do like the idea of associating with women in general, I think you might be slightly confused here. It isn't possible for me to "associate with other career-minded women," because I am neither career-minded nor a woman. The fact that I received a copy of this offer makes me highly suspicious of your organization, since a legitimate organization for professional women should at the very least not solicit membership from men. I expect your little scam is something along the lines of the old Who's Who scam. Did I guess right?

Errr...what?

From: chen_tina@msn.com
Title: 銀行換單代墊。合法租賃公司'客票貼現'年息17%。房屋全額貸款。建地年息2%。各中小企業、中大企業放款。

信用狀換單代墊款。合法租賃公司'客票貼現'年息17%。

房屋全額貸款。服務電話：０９５８５６９０３５‧房屋二胎6%。銀行貸款代墊到單代墊。Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:47:05 +0600

一般租賃
機械、生產設備租賃貸款
購置工廠或公司設備資金
運輸設備租賃貸款
科技、醫療設備租賃
訂單或合約質借
L／C代墊或質借
代墊工程款或押標金
票據額度貼現
公司經常性週轉所需資金
土地及建物一、二胎貸款
辦理金融機構金錢債權收買業務
合法租賃公司'客票貼現'年息17%
房屋全額貸款
銀行到單代償
訂單貸款
增資驗資，存款證明
二胎房貸'中古車貸款
服務電話:０９５８５６９０３５
(歡迎金融同業案件配合,獎金優沃)

土地貸款業務。未上市股票質押貸款。房屋全額貸款。合法租賃公司'客票貼現'年息17%。合約貸款。Tue, 13 Jul 2010 13:54:05 +0400

Err, yeah. I'm not really even sure what language that is. Let's try running it through Babel Fish. Here's Chinese-simp to English:

The letter of credit trades the single generation of advance pay. Rents company ' legitimately; Passenger ticket discount ' Annual interest 17%. House sum total loan. Serves the telephone: 0958569035 ‧ house two embryos 6%. Bank loan advance money to single advance money. Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:47: 05 +0600 Generally rents the machinery, the production equipment to rent the loan to purchase factory either the company equipment fund transport vehicle rents the loan science and technology, the medical equipment to rent the order form or the contract nature needs fund land and building one, two embryo loan taking advantage of the L/C advance money either the nature taking advantage of the advance money project funds or the bid bond bill specified amount discount company regular turnover handles the financial organ money creditor's rights buy service to rent company ' legitimately; Passenger ticket discount ' Increases funding the annual interest 17% house sum total Loan company to the single commutation order form loan examines the capital, the deposit proved that two embryo room loan ' Middle Ages vehicle loan service telephone: 0958569035 (welcome finance same business case coordinates, bonus superior fertile) Land loan business. The stock offering has not pawned the loan. House sum total loan. Rents company ' legitimately; Passenger ticket discount ' Annual interest 17%. Contract loan. Tue, 13 Jul 2010 13:54: 05 +0400

OK, that still seems to be gibberish. I also tried Chineese-trad and it still came out as gibberish. I'll be nice and put that down to the fact that Internet translation programs kind of suck. Since I can't read Chinese, and the translation is crap, I'm niot sure if you're offering cheap plane tickets, a loan, or some sort of embryos.  Perhaps it's not a good idea to spam someone in a language they don't understand.

Medical Transcription

From: desmond@xtranetworkservices.net
Title: Nathan medical professionals are in high demand

If this email is not displaying correctly, please click here to view it in your browser




First Name,
Begin Your Transcription Career Today

Medical transcription is a popular career option among professionals who are drawn to the medical field, but who do not want to take on the hectic work lives of doctors and nurses. The field of medical transcription is relatively easy to enter, requiring only a certificate or associate degree.

Medical transcriptionists work regular 40-hour weeks, sometimes working from home via the Internet. They review the voice recordings made by doctors during treatments, autopsies and other procedures, transcribing the information into type-written documents. These documents are instrumental in the exchange between doctors, lawyers and insurance companies. English and grammatical skills are important in this role, as precision plays a part in ensuring the smooth flow of the treatment process.

Medical transcription training can be found at junior colleges and career schools, where education is fast and affordable. To find medical transcription schools near you, simply complete our School Finder form to the right and browse the programs available in your area. You can then request information from as many schools as you'd like. As always, your information will be kept safe.

You have received this email because you are a registered subscriber of xtranetworkservices.net. Please use the link below to unsubscribe from future emails.

About Us | Privacy Policy | Unsubscribe

Wow, this spam sure had a lot of hidden blank images in it. I couldn't even get rid of all of them. Luckily blogger seems to automatically remove the spammy links hidden behind them. There are several things in this message that annoy me. Let's look at them:

transcribing the information into type-written documents

This really makes me doubt that this is a job for me, or for anyone else under the age of 100. This is 2010: NOBODY USES TYPEWRITERS ANYMORE. We have these things called computers now. I really don't know how you managed to spam me without using one, and I really don't know how to create "type-written documents" without a typewriter.

You have received this email because you are a registered subscriber of xtranetworkservices.net.

No, no I'm not a member of xtranetworkservices.net. I've never heard of you losers or any of the other lame-ass spammers who insist on sending me messages ith lines like that that make it sound like I signed up to get your crappy emails. No sane person would sign up for this shit, so cut the crap already.

Wow I Can get $2.24 million!

from: susan008@live.com
title: Charity Work

Dear Friend,
This Email might  surprise you ,don't ignore as I am writing this letter to you with heavy tears In my eyes and great sorrow in my heart because my Doctor told me that I will die in three months time. Based on this development I want to will my money which is deposited in a finance security company.
I am in search of a reliable person who will use the Money to build charity organization for the saints and the person will take 40% of the total sum.

While 60% of the money will go to charity organization and helping the orphanage. I grew up as an Orphan and i don't have anybody/family member to take care of my wealth.

The total money in question is $5.6million dollars. I will provide you with other information and deposit certificate once you indicate your willingness.

Please email back immediately through this email or my yahoo email susan08@live.com
Best Regards
Susan Amson

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that you're going to croak in three months. I really appreciate your offer of 40% of $5.6million. However I can't help but think that spamming random strangers probably isn't the best way to find a person to set up your charity for you. It does seem like a good way to find suckers you can con into giving personal information though, so maybe you should try that instead. Oh wait, you are trying that, aren't you? My bad.

A Message from Nigeria

From: triplephreak@yahoo.cn
Title: He said that those contacting us through emails for A.T.M card, CBN, and others are fake

 I am Mr. Hollins Moor, I am one of those that executed a contract in Nigeria years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $16,000 trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my contract documents, and I was directed to meet Barrister Steven Dean Esq, who was elected to release all foreign victims payment in world rosters and I contacted him and he explained everything to me.

He said that those contacting us through emails for ATM card, compensation, and others are fake, Then he took me to the paying authorize bank, which is Oceanic Bank of Nigeria Plc, and I am the happiest man on this earth because I have received my funds Moreover, Barrister Steven Dean Esq, showed me the full information of those that have not receive their payment, and I saw your email address and your contract amount.

You have to contact him direct on this information below.
His Name: Barrister Steven Dean Esq
Email: [paymentrelease2@gmail.com]
Office Address: 13, Zion Street, Ikeja Lagos Nigeria.

You really have to stop your dealing with those contacting you okay, because they will dry you up until you have nothing to eat. The only money I paid was $100 for (IRS) permit, which you know, so you have to take note of that.

Sincerely
Mr. Hollins Moor

--
This message has been scanned for viruses and
dangerous content by MailScanner, and is
believed to be clean.
 

Wow, a variation on the Nigeria scam! I'm touched that you think I actually have any money. Admittedly $100 isn't a lot, even for someone like me who only works in a grocery store. Also, I'd like to thank you for warning me that all of those Nigerian scammers who ask for personal information are scammers, because I'm a total moron and never would have figured that out if it wasn't for you. I might have ended up being The Most Trusted Man in Nigeria instead of Tom Smith.

I am surprised to learn that even though they are all scammers I am actually entitled to some of that Nigerian money.  I think I'll just email that nice Barrister Steven Dean Esq you were talking about and hop on a plane to Nigeria right now. NOT!

A Message from "Gmail"

From: man_to_u@yahoo.com
Title: FINAL WARNING; Update Your Gmail Account Info!!!

ACCOUNT@ UPDATE's

GMAIL® Team Account Alert!!!

Dear Account Owner,

CONFIRM YOUR GMAIL ACCOUNT SERVICES NOW TO AVOID IT CLOSED !!!

This is email from Gmail® Team and we are sending to all account users for  safety. Due to the anonymous registration of our account which is causing congestion to our service, so we are shutting down some account and your account was among those to be deleted,so the purpose of this email is for you to verify that you are the owner of this account and you are still using it by filling the information below after clicking on the reply button:

Full Names&E-mail:

Password:

Verify Password:

Occupation:

Date of Birth:

Country Or Territory:

Account owner that refuses to update his/her account after 48 hours of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently.

Thanks for your attention to this request. We apologize for any inconveniences.

Sincerely,

The Gmail Team

Hey there scammer. I do realize that you're trying to con me out of some personal information, but come on. First off, why the hell would Gmail send me a message from a yahoo account? I'll give you the same recommendation I gave that last moron: If you want to phish, then you should star a fishing site and at least try to make the email look authentic.  Use some Google logos. Have the message look like it actually came from a Gmail account. This wouldn't actually work for me, since I'm smart enough to realize that Gmail would ask me for any updated information when I log in and wouldn't need to email me for it, but hey you might manage to scam a few more idiots out of their accounts that way.

I'm also guessing that English isn't your first language, because that message is a bunch of poorly-worded gibberish. I'll try and be "helpful" and do a little proofing for you. This is a message that doesn't look like it was written by a chimpanzee banging away randomly on a keyboard:

CONFIRM YOUR GMAIL ACCOUNT SERVICES NOW TO AVOID IT BEING CLOSED !!!

This email is from the Gmail® Team, and we are sending it to all account users for  safety. Due to The anonymous registration of our account which is causing congestion to our service, so we are shutting down some accounts and your account is among those to be deleted, so.  The purpose of this email is for you to verify that you are the owner of this account, and that you are still using it, by clicking on the reply button and filling the information below:

...

Account owners that refuses to update their accounts after 48 hours of receiving this warning will lose their accounts permanently.

Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.

There, that's much better. It's still not perfect, but I'm not going to do all of the work for you. My corrections are in red, and note that the strikethrough is used to indicate things that should be deleted.